Can I Rat Out My Son's Friend?

Eddie hears from a mom who's found her son's friend posting anti-Semitic and homophobic comments on Facebook. Should she let his parents know?

Writing in the Globe and Mail, David Eddie hears from a parent considering ratting out her son's friend for posting anti-gay and anti-Semitic comments on Facebook.  The mom writes:

My 13-year-old son recently “friended” an old elementary school pal – I'll call him Pete – on Facebook. The two of them drifted apart after they were no longer at the same school, but I remained friends with Pete's mom. My son knows that I know his Facebook password and we are “friends.” Recently, I took a look at Pete's Facebook page and read banter back and forth between Pete, who is almost 13, and his Facebook “friends” (not my son). I was shocked at the anti-Semitic and anti-gay talk, and suggestions about girls performing fellatio on him, as well as Pete talking about his size etc.

Do I say anything to Pete’s mom?

Eddie responds:

It's interesting you distinguish between a real friend and a Facebook “friend” with quotation marks (especially vis-à-vis your son, who I assume is not only your “friend” but also your friend).

There's a lot of unreality in Facebook interactions. All you have to do to make a friend is point and click. You could have 1,617 Facebook “friends” and be furiously writing on their “walls,” engaged in discussions, signing petitions – meanwhile, back in reality, you're alone, staring at a screen.

Me, I prefer the kind of friends you can sit down and have a drink and a quesadilla with, the kind that are hard to make and can be a pain (sometimes) to maintain – to look at their faces rather than a photo, to shake their hands and inhale their unique aromas.

Likewise, Facebook “problems” often seem unreal to me: “Dear Dave, I just found out my girlfriend ‘friended’ her ex!” Yawn. Point on “get over it” and click.

But this is more of a parenting and friendship problem, really. Take Facebook out of the equation and it's basically: “My friend's kid has been spewing anti-Semitic, homophobic, misogynistic rhetoric and I don't think my friend knows. What should I do?”

Click here to read the rest of Eddie's advice.