The Prowl: Breaking Up Soulmates is Hard to Do
It is August recess and I could not be happier. My daily responsibilities have diminished to the point where all I did today was write a single, one-page memo on surface transportation funding and water my boss' plant.
August recess, however, is not going well for two close friends of mine. I had long expected they would eventually marry, instead they are breaking up.
This recess, my favorite couple has finally gotten trapped by the transient nature of living and working in Washington DC. One half decided that he wanted to quit his job and move back to Europe for a Ph.D. His better half, however, is not overly inclined to leave her position at the IMF to relocate to Eastern Europe. Even for the closest of couples, a seven hour time difference with no foreseeable end in sight is more than daunting. As a result, they made an executive decision after months of terrible discussions to each move along with the hope that maybe some day things might work out better. That is, at least after she gets over the feeling that he left her for school.
The girl in the couple was one of my graduate school roommates. We collectively met her now ex-boyfriend through a mutual friend who brought him to a "quiche party" that we had thrown at our house. For the record, the quiche was a soggy mess and I managed to drop an entire bottle of red wine on my foot -- blood and wine was everywhere. But following a brief scuffle with a third female roommate who claimed she had "seen him first," the two basically went from not knowing each other at all to being inseparable. I still remember the first time that I really met him, as I do not feel the initial party really counts. It was at a 48-hour marathon weekend with him and the roommates. We went to a really bizarre birthday party where everyone was Filipino and I was told that Jesus would forgive my sins, followed by a photo session in the metro with very unclear origins, and late night pizza, and communal brunch, more wine, and a dare to eat some stinking bishop (a cheese that I would not recommend anyone try, ever). After this, he was pretty much stuck with all of us -- and the "I love yous" followed very shortly.
My two friends' impasse is not only very sad for them, but also for our whole group of friends. All through grad school we used to joke about their future wedding serving only food that does not require utensils and their future children being given names like Agamemnon. I have a hard time thinking of one without the other, and thinking about future events that won't involve both.
It is unnerving to me that the couple I always suspected was "next on the list" for marital bliss is now splitting up. They are not splitting up because anything went wrong between them, but just because each has different and clearly incompatible goals at this juncture. Disney always indicated that if a couple really loves each other, everything will be fine. This is hardly a new lesson, but having further underscored the extent to which this is not true remains frustrating. I almost think it would be easier if one of them had cheated or done something to precipitate this.
I also can't help but contrast how awful it is that this couple, who has always been so happy with one another, is breaking up, when another of our mutual friends has a boyfriend who is an objectively bad person and makes her a worse person. They are staying together and will likely be married by next year. It just doesn't seem fair.
While I cannot fully understand why she would not go with him, or why he could not stay, I suppose this is just part of the impermanence of living in a city where everyone, except for a select few, are just passing by en route to something else. In the mean time, I desperately hope that their break-up is not for real, and that he genuinely takes to heart her warning that "other girls are bitches", for the sake of both of their long term happiness.
