The Fat Diaries: Confessions of a Movie Snack Smuggler

A new mandate forcing movie theaters to share the calorie contents of their foods has concession stands worried they will lose more business. They lost mine years ago.

Hope you all had a great St. Patrick’s Day. Mine was lamer than usual in that I was out of beer and forgot to buy something suitably Irish to make for dinner. I usually make leak, potato and bacon soup with brown soda bread, but we had chicken enchiladas instead. Ah well.

This week, I learned that a new federal mandate about posting calorie information will go into effect on March 23rd.  All food vendors with more than 20 locations will be required to post the calorie content of their food. While most restaurants are annoyed but compliant, one group of food vendors is NOT happy and trying to gain a reprieve: movie concession stands.

I suppose from a financial standpoint, I can see why they’re upset. The profit margins from movie-studios are nominal and most of the money made by Regal, AMC and other chains are gained by selling overpriced hot dogs, popcorn and soda. It’s pretty likely they will lose money when Joe-public realizes that the bathtub-sized bucket of popcorn carries more than 1,400 calories. For most people that’s almost ¾ the daily recommended caloric intake, and the only health benefit is a bit of fiber.

Confession time: I am a movie snack smuggler. The movie theater industry will never lose a cent from me because I have had it ingrained in my head that buying food at the movie theater is as stupid and irresponsible as skateboarding behind a speeding car on the beltway. “A fool and his money… (etc. etc.).”

I have fond childhood memories of going to the local movie theater, which was next to a grocery store. Dad would buy the tickets while Mom would take my brothers and I to Sainsbury’s to buy candy and cans of soda (my snack of choice was red licorice shoelaces). After paying the considerably lower prices for candy, we’d hand our booty over to Mom, who would hide it in her purse as we approached the theater. I remember this was one of the earliest functions of my first big-girl purse: sneaking snacks into the movies.

I continue to do this to this day, although lately my snacks have an additional goal in mind. It used to be about eating cheaper candy up until a few years ago, when I started the snacks started to become healthier substitutes to Junior Mints and Reese’s Pieces. I started to bring in trail mix, air-popped popcorn (that I popped myself at home), cinnamon baked almonds, whole-grain crackers, low-fat gingersnaps, and my all-time favorite, sugarless gum. Alternatively, my husband and I would sometimes skip the movie snacks altogether and opt to have dinner right before the movie or right after to avoid snacking (my husband would always cave though).

So what does this have to do with the movie-snack calorie mandate? The fact that I’m not alone. I’m among the secretive multitude of “smugglers” who bring their own snacks to the movie theater because they can’t stand the prices or the unwanted calories and preservatives of movie food. The movie theater might make millions on snacks, but I’m sure they’re losing about as much in potential profits by not catering to two GIGANTIC markets, namely broke people and people who are health-conscious. Being from both categories, I’m going to concur with the movie theaters’ prediction that the new calorie-content law will cut further into their profits.

I’m usually pretty forgiving of companies that are trying to make an effort to appeal to their customers, so I have no compunctions in telling the theater companies, “TOUGH.” They have done nothing to accommodate me or anyone else with their high-priced junk, other than expanding their menu to include pizza, pretzels and milkshakes and all for as much money as the movie-ticket. It already costs about $45 to take my kids to the movie. If I add popcorn and soda, it’s almost $70. So far the only thing the movie concessions have done to combat the recession and the loss of revenue is raise their prices. Yeah. That’ll work. It worked for the airline industry, right? These guys seriously need to re-group, re-brand, and take a long hard look at what modern America really wants. (And what we’re willing to pay for).

See you at the movies. I’ll be the lady with the 40lb purse that crackles when she moves.

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