Help! I'm an Outcast in the Office

Eddie hears from a reader worried that her workplace office is a lot like high school, and unfortunately she isn't in the "in" crowd.

Writing in the Globe and Mail, David Eddie hears from a reader worried that her work office is a lot like high school, and she isn't in the "in" crowd.

The reader writes:

My workplace functions on an ‘in-crowd’ system – just like high school. If you go drinking with the boss and the cool kids, then you pretty much have free rein.

My boss will regularly drop by to chat with a certain colleague. They'll often go for a smoke, grab a coffee, and so on. She inevitably gets higher-profile projects, despite the fact that I have more experience, more education and have been with the company longer. She makes obvious mistakes, but if I try to negotiate changes, or in any way act to correct them, my boss tells me I have a “bad attitude.”

I would go out and “party” but frankly, even for political/workplace gain, I simply can't justify the drain on my budget and limited free time. Any suggestions on how to cope with this until I can find something better?

Eddie responds:

Some of what I’m about to say is going to cause my inner teenager to shake his shaggy mane, roll his bloodshot eyes and exhale a column of smoke as he says, “Dude, listen to yourself, man. What have you become?”

But I’m going to say it anyway.

When I started out in the workforce, I felt the same way you do now – that is to say, I didn’t particularly want to socialize with my colleagues or my boss.

I said to myself: a) I’m just going to keep my head down and do a good job, and remain “above” petty bickering and office politics; and b) after spending the whole day with this bunch of stiffs, I’m supposed to go out with them at night, too? Gag, fuhgeddaboudit.

Part of the problem was that all everyone wanted to discuss when we went out was sports, an arena of human endeavour I’ve never given a stinking, steaming crap about. All those Gilmours and Fluties – I never knew who my colleagues were talking about, or sometimes even which sport.

So when the whistle blew at work, I got the hell out of there and hung with my homeys.

After a while, I noticed that those obedient drones who went out with the boss, even ones with demonstrably less talent, got preferment over me.

Then, a little while after that, I noticed I was out on the street, with no job.

It was a hard lesson, and that’s the kind that sticks with you. So I hate to be the one telling you this, but I’m afraid skill and hard work and whatever else you mentioned (education? seniority?) aren’t enough.

Sister, you have to play the game. ...

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