Why Doesn't My Best Friend Trust Me?
Writing in the Globe and Mail, David Eddie hears from a reader who's hurt that her close friend has revealed her same-sex relationship to other friends, but not to her.
The reader writes:
I have a friend whom I've known for 20 years. We were best friends growing up, and we still talk frequently and get together from time to time. I found out through mutual friends that she's been in a same-sex relationship for about three years. I'm hurt that she's been keeping her relationship secret from me. I've given her plenty of opportunity to “come out” to me, such as asking if she's seeing anyone or referring to my other gay friends. The other day I casually said, “So, I heard you've been seeing a woman,” and things got very awkward very fast. She didn't really confirm or deny anything, but she became very uncomfortable and embarrassed. I tried calling her the next day to apologize, but she's not answering my calls. Now I'm worried I've ruined our friendship. What can I do to repair this?
Eddie responds:
It sometimes happens in the life of an advice columnist (e.g. moi) that you receive a question where you feel there's a piece of the puzzle missing. And you have to do a bit of deductive, detective-type guesswork about causes, and effects.
This is one of those occasions.
So: Your old friend informed members of her inner circle about her gayness. But not you.
Hmm, what's going on here? Pardon me while I put on my deerstalker, tuck a violin under my chin, scrape away at a little ditty and ponder the clues as presented.
My best guess is: You talk too much. You “overshare.” Is that possible? Are you too nosy/gossipy?
You certainly seem hell-bent on squeezing this particular piece of information out of her. ...
Click here to read the rest of Eddie's advice.