Why Do Female Co-Workers Get More Office Gifts?

Eddie hears from a reader miffed that his female co-workers get lots of office gifts while he doesn't. Does he have a legit grudge?

This week, David Eddie hears from a reader miffed that his female co-workers get office gifts while he doesn't.

I recently got married. At my workplace, I received a congratulatory mention at a Monday meeting and some token treats shared by all. I was happy with this situation and didn’t need or expect more. Fast-forward six months: One co-worker has announced a pregnancy and another has got engaged. In these cases, there are schemes to collect cash for a baby gift and a wedding gift, financed by the rest of us. I will admit I am disjointed that these two events spawned a gift-giving movement, whereas mine was a thoughtful, yet relatively inexpensive venture. I don’t want to appear unsupportive, but I imagine they feel the same way, yet did not act. Is it gender-related (the other two are female)? Should I be worried about my status in the workplace? Should I even contribute to a gift?

Does the reader have a legit grudge?  Is he being too sensitive?  Eddie responds:

The language of this question is a little odd in spots. And here and there, as Mr. Bennet says to Mrs. Bennet in my favourite line from Pride and Prejudice: “I have not the pleasure of understanding you."

But basically what I think you’re saying is: You’re feeling irked, miffed, if not downright ticked (“disjointed” = your “nose got out of joint,” I’m thinking) that more of a fuss was made, and money spent, over one co-worker’s wedding and another’s pregnancy than over your own nuptials – possibly because your colleagues are female and you’re male.

Let’s address that last aspect first. You ask: Is it gender-related? I’m going to go ahead and court controversy here by saying: possibly.

Yes, it’s possible a double standard exists within office culture, and our culture in general, when it comes to marriage, pregnancy and childbirth.

When my first son, Nicholas, was born, I was working as a radio producer in an office full of women. (I was the only man, in fact.) Nick was born on a Thursday night. I took the Friday off (my “paternity leave”) and was back on the job Monday.

When I got to work, no one even said anything. Bupkes. And they all knew. But it was business as usual that day: morning meeting, fan out, work phones.

Late in the day, as a form of hint, I mentioned to my (female) boss that I’d been “pretty tired” the last few days.

“Really? Why?” she asked.

“Well, my wife and I just had a kid Thursday night.”

“Oh, right. Uh, yes, and, uh, congratulations on that by the way.”

But of course, later, when a couple of women in the office got pregnant and subsequently had kids, it was all presents and office collections and little booties and jammies and onesies and diaper genies and “Oooh, let’s see pictures,” and “Oooh, he’s so cute.”

Now, I’m going to further court controversy by saying I came to realize that’s probably the way it ought to be – in the workplace and in society in general. ...

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