The Prowl: Why Do I Date Losers?

Recently, my friends decided to stage an intervention: they made it clear that I spend too much time with men who don't make the best boyfriends.

It’s recently been brought to my attention that I'm not dating “winners.”  While investment bankers may have "sexy banker moves" -- and no, I am not going to elaborate on that -- they are perhaps not the best boyfriends.  I am willing to make that, in fact, a categorical rule: No more bankers.  Needless to say, I’m clearly not thriving when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex.  There are several theories circulating about why this might be the case.

1) One friend suggested that "the community of women" has failed me.  Evidently, I am not attracting housebroken males because I do not have enough female friends.  As a test, I invited my closest female friend to D.C. for a weekend.  We ended up incorporating much dancing and engaged in an elaborate arts and crafts project involving many magazines and glitter.  I’m still not convinced that lack of womanly advice is why I’m not having a great deal of luck with the opposite sex.

2) My female friend who came to visit feels the problem is not me; the problem is instead Washington.  In a city filled with young professionals, there should be many eligible bachelors hanging about.  There should be ample opportunities among the multiple fundraising/charitable/pretend-socialite events that occur to meet people.  This normative claim, however, does not seem to be aligning with my non-normative experience.  It's possible I'm simply doing it wrong, although I don't think so.  My female friend can corroborate.

3) Another friend feels that things are not going my way basically, and somewhat tautologically, because I date losers and should cut it out.  I will take this advice to heart and immediately implement a douchebag-need-not-apply rule.

4) Finally, a still different friend argued, after seeing this article from the Daily Mail, that I am genetically predisposed to want to have sex with less than ideal people.  He had science behind his argument.  And facts.  My last boyfriend was sort of brooding after all...

With these competing, although not necessarily exclusive theories, the conclusion seemed to be that I absolutely shouldn't be left to my own devices in our nation’s capital because those devices are only finding either (a) people who are not interesting/ still belong in the frat house or (b) people who do not actually like me all that much.  Both of these outcomes are somewhat sobering (or will drive me to the opposite of sobriety).

All agreed in fact that I should turn to online dating to supplement my somewhat lackluster social skills out in the real world at times, having more or less exhausted the pool of mutual friends' acquaintances.  My visiting female friend went so far as to suggest that my future profile on whichever dating site I inevitably chose should solely list "sandwiches" as my interest, given that these are what I spend most of my day thinking about.

There are two flaws with my friends' collective logic I feel, however.  I will once again use a list to explain.  I really just can't help it.

1) I'm not quite ready to forsake the actual world for the virtual one.  My friend gave me strict instructions to be polite when it came to online dating, but her concerns aside, I feel I'm entitled to be skeptical.  First, I am already socially networked and am not overly inclined to share more personal information that is actually linked to my non-Vivian identity than I already do.  Facebook seems enough for me (I still don't really understand Twitter), so relying on the internet for a social life more than I already do is somewhat unnerving to me.  The internet, which to be clear, is not a series of tubes, nor is it a truck, should be for buying books and looking up stupid crap -- not finding a boyfriend (different than finding other things, which perhaps is precisely what the internet is for).  More than my hesitance for more social networking, part of me still feels that online dating is admitting defeat.  This may be a completely irrational and erroneous reaction, especially given that I know many people who have had thoroughly positive experiences with it, but I can't get over my suspicion that giving into the internet is tantamount to acknowledging failure in the real social universe.

2) This point may actually be more important.  I am starting to be annoyed with my friends who see my singledom as some sort of personal failing that needs to be immediately rectified.  Being single is not like having a contagious disease and it is frankly, at times, enjoyable.  For certain periods, it's nice not to have to worry about keeping another person happy and satisfied and to take a vacation away from boyfriend-land.  I also don't feel that I am rationalizing my current famine of opportunity, having thought about this at some length.  True, I would appreciate a chance to meet someone who is a winner, whatever that may actually be, but I do not feel overly bothered, as opposed to some of my friends, that this has not yet occurred.

I am sure you all have additional thoughts, which you will no doubt share in a strictly civil fashion, as opposed to an Ed Schultz -talking-about-Laura-Ingraham kind of fashion.

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