The Prowl: Should I Expose Myself?

Written by Vivian Darkbloom on Friday March 25, 2011

Now that I've got a boyfriend, I'm faced with a new dilemma: should I tell him about my Vivian Darkbloom alter ego and that my romantic life is online for all to read?

So this week, I’m venturing into the meta and writing a column about a column.  Bear with me.

The past few weeks, I have made reference to a certain boyfriend who has been on the scene.  This is a situation that I am both hopeful and optimistic will continue, partially because as my Spanish teacher taught me this week, he is alto y guapo.  He also adds value in a variety of ways that are interesting to me, although likely not to anyone else as they relate to landmarks only seen in our own “coupleland.”  Let's just say that I’m pretty enamored with him and fairly confident that he’s likewise bewitched by me.

The issue at the moment then is this column. We’ve already gotten beyond the infamous "talk" that seems to be part of every modern relationship wherein terms are specifically defined and parameters set.  In discussing how I would feel if he slept with someone else (negatively) and other similar warm and fuzzy topics, the fact that I write a blog for a conservative website did not surface.  Nor has it ever surfaced.  I am not entirely certain how to bring it up -- or if I even should.

I am reticent to tell him about my alter ego as Vivian Darkbloom mostly because, frankly, it is a little weird and awkward.  First, I think he would have a hard time conceptualizing how the person who just ranted about Republican douchebaggery over cutting funding to NPR was contributing to a conservative website, even if not on matters explicitly about politics/policy.  More importantly though, it just strikes me as an odd thing to come out to someone you are seeing and reveal yourself as being a less-racy Carrie Bradshaw with almost intimate details of your personal life on the internet for all to read and comment on.  When I think about it in this way, as much as I enjoy writing this, it just sounds like something that would perhaps unnerve him slightly and induce worries in him that I will share things (that should stay private) in a very public forum.

Please let me be clear that my reticence and insecurity about when/if to tell my boyfriend about this column has nothing to do with anything that I’ve written.  It’s not a matter of content that concerns me as there’s nothing in my weekly posts I wouldn’t just tell him directly.  At this moment, I think it’s more about the concept of the column itself than anything specific within it.

Of course, the other side of the argument is that I do write for FrumForum as some version of myself, with inadvertently hilarious initials, that only a handful of people know about (although I suspect my FF self is easily identifiable with my real-life self if someone was enterprising enough to think about it a little -- which is by no means a challenge).  Given that this is something that I do routinely, kind of like my yoga class (although actually completely different), I should probably let him in on it as well so he too can join the ranks of other notable figures "in the know."

By this token, the longer it takes me to get around to "So, by the way, I have this pseudonymous column about dating in DC..." the more of a strain on our relationship it may be.  He may be concerned with why I didn’t tell him sooner?  What else am I not telling him?  Which essentially just creates a giant web of omissions that may be more trouble than the initial admission is worth.

In the end, this somewhat trivial dilemma is really about conceptualizing how honest a relationship should be and what can and cannot be withheld and when these conditions are valid.  I am explaining this in a scientific way as if this were simply a formulaic matter of inputting the correct variables, yet this is hardly the case.  I really don’t know how my boyfriend will react if I tell him about this (he may not care, in which case I have fretted about this for nothing), whether he will be wary that I waited so long to do so, or whether this is just something I should keep to myself.

To conclude dear readers/reader, I am soliciting your advice on this matter as yes, I do read your comments (even the nasty ones).  In return, I may or may not follow some of it.