The Prowl: Getting Groped by Clients in the District

In a city filled with middle-aged men with over-developed senses of entitlement and under-developed respect, sexual harassment is a regular part of life.

In a city filled with middle-aged men with over-developed senses of entitlement and under-developed senses of respect for the fairer sex, sexual harassment is frankly a regular part of life in the capital.  This week's emergence of Justice Clarence Thomas' previous girlfriend--who suggested Anita Hill was telling the truth about Thomas' past sexually inappropriate office behavior--gave a glimpse of what really goes on here.  The allegations against Thomas may or may not be true--but certainly they ring true as stereotypical male behavior on the Hill.

Recently at a working dinner with professional colleagues, I found myself seated next to an elderly gentleman with whom my firm does a lot of business.  We'd gathered in a dimly lit back room of one of DC's finer restaurants. As the wine flowed, as well as the shots of liquor, he became uncomfortably intimate with me.  He found excuses to touch my arm.  He inched closer and put his hand on my leg under the table.  He tried to kiss my neck, pretending to tell me something important.  He slid his hand down my back to touch my ass.  His grip on my leg became firmer and he tried to inch under my skirt.  He put his arm around me to try to feel me up...

I tried to discreetly squirm away from his advances, but once his hand grazed the side of my boob I had enough.  I politely excused myself with a female colleague, who was watching the entire scene unfold in horror, to go to the restroom.  The rest of our dinner companions had either not noticed what had been transpiring--or for the sake of not offending the client it seemed best to keep it this way.  Instead, since dessert had been served hours ago and after dinner drinks seemed to be winding down, my colleague and I invoked a strategy in the washroom, one we have used many times for just such occasions. It's the "Vivian has had a little too much to drink and needs to go home" excuse.  No one thought twice about it and we successfully ducked out into a taxi.

I am not entirely certain what about me screams that I will not mind if lecherous older men take advantage of me. Usually the man in question is more subtle, preferring to make suggestive comments. But during the few months that I have been living and working in DC, I have been slipped hotel keys, had my dating life probed, and have even been told by a male superior that "we would probably date if we did not work together" -- all in professional settings.  Friendly flirting is admittedly part of "entertaining" in the District, but that does not make unwarranted physical advances appropriate.  What is it about DC power-brokers and the wining-and-dining scene that encourages, or at the very least, turns a blind eye to this?

For me, as well as others who I know have endured similar incidents, the offense is not even so much about the physical violation.  Rather, I am bothered most about what happened because I am objectively accomplished. I have three degrees if you count high school and speak two languages, I am good at my job and, in the first scenario, had done a lot of quality work for this particular individual.  At this dinner though, none of that mattered.  He was merely interested in having an attractive female next to him to paw at, evidenced by the entire discussion about trade policy he had with my breasts.   And the only way I could plausibly get away from him was to feign a drinking problem.

I later told my boss what had happened.  He was apologetic although hardly surprised.  He said that he would try to make sure that I was never in that position again, which was a chivalrous gesture, although one perhaps not overly grounded in reality.  He also half-joked with me about whether I was looking up sexual harassment statutes...? Oh right, because legal recourse is clearly a "solid career move."  No, instead all I could tell him was that in the future I would prefer to be at the other end of the table from any potential lecherous client.  This is the second reason why sexual harassment is so offensive, and arguably why it is so prevalent in Washington: There is no real meaningful form of recourse, especially for those looking to climb the career ladder. And every woman knows this.