The Prowl: Can I Lobby a Guy I Rejected?

So once again, despite my best efforts, my personal life has unduly complicated my professional life.  My ongoing efforts to keep these two spheres of my being from overlapping are truly failing in a spectacular way - so much that I am no longer quite convinced that this can even be done.

A few weeks ago, while already running late to meet a friend on a Sunday evening in Cleveland Park, I was nearly the victim of Metro's planned engineering works.  I understand that Metro's infrastructure is crumbling (zero escalators at Union Station worked this morning, rendering them simply stairs) and this can be taken as a sign of the decline of American know-how or whatnot in our nation's capital; however, I do not feel that the remedy is single-tracking the entire Red Line all weekend.  So yes, as I was waiting for an entirely unreasonable and ever-changing amount of time for a train, a guy noticed my annoyance and struck up a conversation.  In this conversation it was determined that he was a staffer for a certain Senator and seemed like a nice enough fellow.  Before we both sweat completely through our clothes (since air conditioning was another thing we lacked while waiting for a train), we agreed that things were getting ridiculous and we should split a cab.  After all, we were both going in the same direction, it was day time so my chances of being killed were marginal, and the heat and wait truly were getting insufferable.

The cab ride was uneventful and mostly involved talking about the potential for the U.S. to default on its obligations (this was a few weeks ago, remember), the oppressive heat, and our mutual love of Dexter (how to occupy time in oppressive heat AND stay in air conditioning).  When the cab dropped him off first, he asked for my card, which I gave him, not thinking anything of it.

Later that night he e-mailed, asking if I would meet him for a drink.  I ignored him as I already had plans.  He e-mailed again, saying that he would love to take me out the next night.  I ignored him further, as this was shattering my previously-held perception of a friendly encounter and my vision for a future liberal friend (I have a deficit of these, which I would like to remedy).  Instead, he had other impulses which I did not share and I was now in the awkward position of having to let him down.  I went for the "I am seeing someone" approach.  This was not in fact not a lie, but when I emailed this staffer that information, apologizing for possibly being misleading but offering to be friends (while understanding if he did not want to), his response was that I should have told him that sooner instead of letting him make an idiot of himself.  This struck me as ridiculous.  Why on earth would the first thing I ever tell someone be that I am not exactly single?  It is, first, not the kind of thing that comes up un-forced in casual conversation.  More importantly, though, I do not think that it is safe to assume that every member of the opposite sex with whom I have a conversation is necessarily interested in seeing me naked.  I feel that I have interesting things to say on occasion and am generally a nice person; it does not seem so silly to think that someone would simply want to be sociable with me.  Evidently I am mistaken?

Several days later I ran into him in a bar and he pretended not to see me when I smiled and waved at him.  It struck me that this was an unnecessary reaction.  Even if he felt embarassed, which he had no real reason to, I firmly believe that civility and adherence to basic social norms should trump any personal hang-ups and it would not have killed him to smile back.  So much for wanting to be friends though ...

This week, what was just an awkward incident was exacerbated in a staff meeting.  One of our clients needs help with this guy's boss and it was just my luck that he handles the particular issue.  Our partner explained what the issue was and what he thought the best approach to it would be.  He then asked if any of us had any friends in that office.  No one knew anyone, except me.  I made the case that I sort of knew a guy, but was skeptical that he would take my call and did not think I could get very far with him.  Unfazed, and feeling vindictive as I had made fun of his choice of seersucker earlier that morning, my boss decided that I should try my best with him anyway, very casually, in an effort to avoid having to put a fundraiser together as an alternate strategy.  In my brain I convinced myself that this staffer is good at his job and will recognize the importance of the issues over whatever he thinks about me as a person.  I left him a message saying "I would like to lobby you, please call me back."  Needless to say, our client and the partners in my firm are going to have to cough up a few checks  ...

I maintain that I did nothing wrong for reasons I have previously articulated and that this staffer is being a presumptuous and unprofessional douchebag.  Please excuse the name-calling, but it's true.  The bigger problem is endemic to all relationships among Hill staffers and lobbyists.  Although I may rationally conclude that a particular policy area ought to be prioritized, with all other factors bracketed, this is simply naive.  Of course it matters who is friends with who as these links are basically why people hire lobbyists in the first place.  In a city where it is nearly impossible to completely eliminate professional connections to your private life, I am still not entirely certain how to navigate some of the pitfalls of inter-personal dynamics among people who I will likely need a favor from one day without resorting to a life of complete isolation and solitude. If anyone has any suggestions, I am open to them.