The Headlines Review

“Cash-strapped Cuba says toilet paper running short”

-Reuters, 8.10.09

Now the socialist government of Cuba is left with the hope that food shortages will ameliorate the unavailability of toilet paper.

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“President Obama distances himself from Nancy Pelosi”

-Politico, 8.10.09

Considering Mrs. Pelosi’s poll numbers, the act of distancing oneself from her has the “fierce urgency of now.”

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“Should you look for work in China?”

-Forbes, 8.13.09

Recent ethnic uprisings have increased employment opportunities in the always dynamic repression sector of the economy.

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“Swedish police investigate pirate mystery”

-Financial Times, 8.11.09

The ship was carrying 300 social workers. Swedish authorities fear that neighboring welfare states may be involved.

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“Limbaugh: No Retraction on Nazi Comment”
-FrumForum.com, 8.10.09

A retraction here, a retraction there, and before you know it booted Libs in earth-tone brown shirts storm Czechoslovakia.

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“UK health system hits back at US critics”
-New York Times, 8.12.09

We will get a response from the UK health system but not anytime soon since there is a six month long waiting list in the Comments & Criticism department.

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“California to stop issuing IOUs”

-Financial Times, 8.14.09

It has become very expensive for California to issue IOUs and they are going to be replaced with a promise and a firm handshake from the governor.

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“Scientist Tackles Ethical Questions of Space Travel”

-New York Times, 8.10.09

For instance, would it be morally permissible for Darth Vader to waterboard Princess Leia?

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“Keynes rescues France and Germany from recession”

-The Telegraph, 8.13.09

“In the long run we are all dead” but some of us less than others.

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“Slump Strains Church Finances as Need Grows”

-Wall Street Journal, 8.11.09

God’s mysterious ways have unintended consequences.