The Fat Diaries: Where's the Beef?
“What do you guys want to get?”
“I dunno. What’s open now?”
“Umm… Hey! There’s a Taco Bell! You want to get Taco Bell, Monica?”
“Why don’t I just barf in your car now? It’ll save time and money!”
“Uh… So, ‘no’?”
This is more or less a conversation I had in college. A few reoccurring events had conspired to make me decide to eschew all food from Taco Bell. Namely, I noticed that I tended to suffer from, what a coworker politely described as, “Porcelain Dependency Syndrome” after eating there. I haven’t eaten there since.
That being the case, it was no big shock to me that the YUM! Brands food chain is now facing a class-action lawsuit concerning the quality of its self-styled ‘seasoned ground beef.’ Beasley, Allen, Crow, Methvin, Portis & Miles, an Alabama law firm, is accusing Taco Bell of false advertising with its use of the word “beef.” One never wants to see the name of a meat in ironic quotes, but there you are. After testing the beef, the firm states that Taco Bell’s meat mixture contains a scant 35% of real beef. The USDA requires a bare minimum of 40% “cattle flesh” to qualify as beef. If allegations are true, Taco Bell’s meat would not qualify. The case is being made on behalf of Amanda Obney, a California resident and Taco Bell customer. She is not suing for any money, but wants Taco Bell to refrain from using the word “beef” in its marketing.
Can I just say the fact that the USDA even considers 40% cow to be “beef” is a little nauseating? I mean, I use fillers like eggs and panko myself in meatloaf and meatballs, but 60% filler? Good grief. That’s like making a movie that’s only 40% story and the rest visual action sequences. That’s like making a table that’s 40% planked wood and the rest painted particleboard–okay, never mind. I’m suddenly very depressed.
So what’s making up the other 60% of this “meat?” <--- (Look! More ironic quotes!) The rest of the ingredients, called “meat extenders” (shudder), are listed as:
water, isolated oat product, wheat oats, maltodrextrin, soy lecithin, maltodrextrin, anti-dusting agent, autolyzed yeast extract, modified corn starch, sodium phosphate and silicon dioxide.
Taco Bell has addressed the suit, saying that it’s unfounded:
Taco Bell prides itself on serving high quality Mexican inspired food with great value. We're happy that the millions of customers we serve every week agree. We deny our advertising is misleading in any way and we intend to vigorously defend the suit.
I hope that this trial gets enough media coverage that I’m able to follow further events. The fact that the plaintiff doesn’t want money from the chain is a different turn of events from your usual “their burgers made me fat!” or “their coffee burned my lap” lawsuits that are usually brought against food chains. In any case, it’s livened up twitter and late night TV a bit.
Like most people, I’m curious about Taco Bell’s next course of action should the allegations prove true. What then? Do they up their beef quotient to the required 40% (ugh), or do they call it something else? Meat tacos? Savory tacos? They could label their food like American (so-called) cheese and call it a beef-food-product. Maybe mumble a disclaimer at the end of each commercial, “May not contain actual beef.” Of course, the USDA might let it slide if they stick with ironic quotation marks.
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