Summer Romance: How to Fail 'The Check Dance'
Thank you to everyone who offered much-appreciated advice and responses to my last article. Unfortunately, there are no updates to report involving a budding romance between me and my dreamy trainer, C. Even more unfortunately, my obsessive crush still rages on. Thus far, the only positive thing to come out of this semi-masochistic attraction is that I now go to the gym every day and can definitely see the results. This morning, I opened the door to a torrential downpour that would dissuade any sane individual from the 20-minute walk to the stair-master. But not me!
I grabbed my umbrella, threw on my knee-length trench, and walked out the door looking like a flasher, bound for the gym. C was there. We chatted for a glorious five minutes, which made the hellish walk absolutely worth it.
It recently dawned on me that this crush has the obvious potential of becoming dangerously consuming. So, in an attempt to balance daydreams of C with real life, I signed up for an online dating site. In the past few days I have been on four dates with four men. Before the week is out I will have gone on seven with an additional three men.
Though the dating game is a fun excuse to chat up a decently-to-very attractive man over a cocktail or two, it is nothing if not exhausting. Online dating requires responding to the continuous onslaught of messages, sifting through the creeps and potential axe-murders, and then arranging times to meet up with a handful of promising gents. By the time the actual date rolls around, it’s nearly impossible to keep stories straight! Just yesterday I went out to dinner with a PhD student from Bulgaria that I confused with the engineer from Florida, so I was asking him all about why he decided to come to the U.S. from Sofia, Bulgaria to pursue engineering. It was embarrassing and awkward, to say the least.
The date only got more awkward when the check inevitably came. Anyone who has gone on at least one date and/or watched Seinfeld has heard of The Check Dance: (1) the bill arrives, (2) the man grabs it, (3) the girl pretends to reach for her wallet, (4) the man says, “no, I insist,” (5) the girl feigns surprise and says “thank you.” Being a modern woman with old-fashioned values, I take the view that if steps 2 and 4 fail to happen, it’s safe to say that there will not be a second date. But last night’s date with the Bulgarian involved not just the absence of 2 and 4, but of all of steps 2 through 5!
First, the check came and lingered on the table. It’s not exactly like we were in the middle of a spirited conversation. And yet, the check sat until finally I picked it up.
“So, um… how do you want to do this?” I asked, irritated.
He shrugged his shoulders.
“We could split it,” I offered.
“That works.”
I was furious, which did not help his odds when he asked for a second date.
Festering on the walk home, I realized that this was not the first time that The Check Dance had failed me, forcing me to pay for my share of the date. Quite honestly, it is pretty rare nowadays for a man to insist that he pay. So I began to wonder: am I being unreasonable?
Readers, I will leave that to you to determine. I, on the other hand, will continue sifting through the messages, rapidly depleting my bank account on dates with sub-gentlemen, and daydreaming of C.
