Just Say No

David Eddie shares a two-letter solution with a reader worried that he cannot stop his friends from taking advantage of him.

Writing in the Globe and Mail, David Eddie fields a question from a reader worried that he cannot stop his friends from taking advantage of him.  The reader writes:

[T]wo people in my life are causing the same problem. One is a relative; one is a friend. Both are extremely self-centred. They turn every conversation – whether it is about personal creams or the war in Afghanistan – back to themselves. I have received several irritated comments about this from people who feel the same way.

Also, they’re always assuming everyone wants to “help” them – shop, babysit, run errands, etc. One of them just had a child, and we’re all thrilled, but now I now get phone calls and e-mails asking to “do something” and it turns out that means babysitting – often while they go have fun. I never volunteered to do this. I find it especially rude that this hijack babysitting is poorly cloaked in a social invitation.

How can I get these two people to stop behaving so selfishly? I love them, but have had to restrict my exposure to them because I am ready to give some really nasty speeches. Any advice you could share would be greatly appreciated.

Eddie responds with a two-letter solution:

Whenever either of these self-absorbed/entitled mofos tries to stick you with an errand, or fob his kid off on you, or perform any other un-volunteered-for service, all you have to do is utter one word – a single, solitary syllable, in fact:

“No.”

Try it. It’s empowering. If you feel obliged to elaborate, say you’re busy, or have errands of your own to do – whatever. But really, why do you feel obliged? You know they won’t wind up appreciating the favours you do them – so don’t do the favour in the first place.

Doing favours for self-absorbed, entitled ingrates is a mug’s game: It just leads to bitterness on the part of the favour-giver.

And you don’t want to become a sour, bitter person, do you?

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