The Fat Diaries: How to Eat Healthy on the Road

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Recently hit the road again, this time to attend a trade convention in Fort Wayne, IN—which means another trip involving lots of  fast food. The stormy weather was hell-bent on pursuing us thus many meals were consumed in the parking lots of fast food restaurants. And more to my shame (or maybe my pride) a LOT of meals ended up in the garbage after only a few bites.

As I’ve stated before, I’m never very hungry at conventions. The obnoxious cocktail of nerves, asthma, heartburn, and insomnia mean that I scarcely remember to eat, let alone feel like eating a full meal. If we’re lucky we get 2 meals a day. And none of the food is very tempting at that.

The breakfast provided by our hotel was mostly bread. The most popular items were sugary chemical-laden donuts (the staff was pulling them out of 7-11 mini packs), vile salty eggs the consistency of a kitchen sponge, and the American standard: biscuits and gravy. I made do with toast and coffee. Lunch was usually a wash: between sales, panels, and workshops we were too busy to think of lunch. I had a box of Lara Bars and trail mix to calm my stomach pangs, and I drank endless amounts of water.  When we did eat I chiefly felt the draw to lean cuts of chicken and steak. I usually avoid meat like the plague but conventions turn me into a carnivorous fiend screaming, “Gives it to us raw and wriggling!”

Once we got lunch from a really nice Chinese takeout, but I underestimated one thing: the portions. For five dollars I got a giant tub of soup with a huge box of rice and pepper steak.  After six bites of soup, I was full. I gave the beef to my neighbours in the next booth.

Eventually my cash was gone and what had I spent it all on? Food that came in portions big enough to feed two people—the bulk of which ended up in the trash. Sure, it was well priced, but honestly I could have spent half as much and still had enough food to satisfy me.  Money was getting tighter, so what did I start doing? I started to look for meals that had the following.

1)      Protein: with as little spices, filler and extras as possible. One real score was a restaurant we found that served a 5 oz Fillet Mignon with wild rice and salad for $11.

2)      Fiber: Oatmeal was great in places where I could get it. For once I was glad McDonalds included this item at all. To a lesser extent grits, whole grain pancakes and brown rice worked too.

3)      Roughage: Our booth neighbors brought a bag of baby carrots to share and quickly became my heroes. Suddenly going to the grocery store and buying carrots, apples and snap peas seemed like an absurdly simple solution to lunch and snack-time.

4)      When in Doubt, Go Smaller: if we were stuck eating in a place where there was nothing really healthy but starving was not an option I ordered off the appetizer’s menu or the kids menu. Both times I didn’t regret it.

One thing I noticed, however, was that everyone else who ordered full adult portions couldn’t finish their meals either! They either pushed it away with a defeated expression, or they muscled on, determined to finish their meal (and unbutton their jeans when no one was looking).  It got me thinking. When did this start happening? When did kids meals come with enough food to satisfy and adult meals tax the limits of the human stomach?

When I was a kid, the portions from kids’ meals were absurdly small. I remember at one notorious restaurant, when my parents made me get the kids meal to save money. It was recommended for kids 8 and under and I was 12, so I was outraged, but that outrage turned to blind fury when I got my kids manicotti plate which starred a single tube of manicotti the size of a D battery, alone and friendless on a small white plate.

Now-a-days that same restaurant (it’s fairly famous) serves a kids’ portion of 4 manicotti rolls with vegetable side and bread, while the adult version of the same requires three plates. Of course a kids’ meal is now the price of those adult plates back in the day, and the average adult has to spend $20 on more food than they can eat. So why are we spending so much money on this gut-torturing insanity?

I put it to you, America. Rise up against this. Order off the kids menu! Eat off the appetizer menu (provided it’s not all fried of course). Eat according to what your needs are, not the artificial needs the restaurant makes up.

All I can promise is that the next time I’m in Fort Wayne, I’m getting me another 5oz Fillet Mignon!

Make it raw and wriggling.