Herman Cain: High-Carb Candidate

My editor showed me this video from the 1991 Omaha Press Club. It features Herman Cain singing his own pizza-themed lyrics to John Lennon’s “Imagine.” I don’t know where to start. For those of you who don’t know me, I write about obesity trends in American culture for the FrumForum weekend page. It’s my job to overreact to all the new sodium-laden and calorie-clogged junk food on the market today. When it comes to killing myself by inches, pizza is generally my poison of choice. Whenever I’m too sick to cook or when we want to have a minor celebration in the house, we order pizza. But there’s just so much more here than that. I respect Herman Cain for being a CEO of Godfather’s Pizza. Herman Cain is a self-made business man and an American success story. This doesn’t, however, translate directly into prime candidate material. Neither does the ability to bust out in a soulful smoky bass voice. Having studied music I know how hard it is to do anything with a live band behind you so I’m forced to be impressed as I watch this. I mean… DANG, the guy can sing. I’m a little pressed for time this week, so I’m just going to post the preposterous lyrics (Theodore Geisel is spinning in his grave right now) and put in my two cents for a few of the lines. Imagine there's no pizza I couldn't if I tried, Okay. You got me there. I really couldn’t live without pizza. Eating only tacos Or Kentucky Fried Imagine only burgers It's frightening and sad You’re telling me. I just threw-up a little in my mouth. free porn videos You're lucky you have pizza To feed your kids for you Sadly, most of America thinks this. Only frosting or cookies Did we mention most pizza franchises now offer desert items that contain over 2,000 calories? And no dishes you must do Well played, Mr. Cain. Imagine eating pizza Each and every day teen porn videos Stock prices for Metamucil would be through the roof. You may say that it's junk food Depends on the pizza and the ingredients there-in. There is such a thing as healthy pizza. But to me it's so much more It gives my life its meaning And it makes a lot of dough (Groan) Imagine mozzarella Anchovies on the side And maybe, pepperoni Rounds out your pizza pie Rhyming “Side” with “Pie” just eclipsed “More” and “Dough” as the worst rhyme in this song. Imagine getting pizza Delivered to your door Of course buying it frozen will save you $10-$15 in the long-run. You don't have to give up now No clue what he means here. On my skateboard I will go I would pay money to see HC on a skateboard. I'll be back in 30 minutes I just bought Dominoes Huh? Dominoes? I guess even Herman Cain can’t eat Godfather’s Pizza. All I am saying Is give pizza a chance All I am saying Give pizza a chance! All I am saying Is give pizza a chance All I am saying You've got to, got to give pizza a chance! Just for the record, I was born in 1981, so I don’t 'get' John Lennon’s “Imagine.” If this is some sort of blasphemy against the cult of John, I’m unaware of it. Thank you and goodnight, folks.