Help! My Parents Are Fixing an Arranged Marriage
Writing in the Globe and Mail, David Eddie hears from a reader who is in a relationship, but who's immigrant parents are pushing an arranged marriage. The reader writes:
I'm 21 and for the past few months I’ve been dating a boy who used to be my best friend. My parents, who are of South Asian descent, are strong supporters of the “modern” arranged marriage – parents arrange “dates” with boys with similar families, hobbies and values, and who are also settled in life financially.
I didn't think they would start this process until I graduated next June. But recently I found out they made an arrangement with a boy who is extremely good-looking, and richer and more accomplished than my boyfriend could ever be. So I told my mom about my boyfriend. She didn't disapprove; she was worried about his financial security.
When I told my boyfriend, I expected him to leave me. Instead he told me that he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He told me to meet the arranged guy if I want to, and that I should respect my mother, but to have faith in what we have together.
Now I am at a crossroads where all paths look grey. I care a lot about my boyfriend and I know he'll take care of me and always make me happy, but I care about my mom too and don't want her to be unhappy.
Eddie responds:
Tough choice. This would make a great Bollywood musical. Perhaps it already has.
I kid – perhaps to cover my nervousness at wading into this one. I don’t want to tread on anyone’s toes, culturally. So, caveat lector: Whatever I say is obviously going to have a Western flavour to it – more cheeseburger-fries than garam masala, okay?
Supporters of arranged marriages point out they have much lower divorce rates than “love marriages.” In India, where arranged marriages are still the norm, the divorce rate is, unbelievably, less than 2 per cent.
But as the Canadian (of Anglo-South Asian descent) comic Russell Peters says in one of his bits, I would no more want my mother to pick out a spouse for me than I want her to pick out my shirts.
Click here to read the rest of Eddie's advice.