Help! My Friend's Dating Someone Way Too Old

In the Globe and Mail, David Eddie hears from a reader worried that his friend is dating someone too old for him. Way too old for him.

In the Globe and Mail, David Eddie hears from a reader worried that his friend is dating someone much too old for him.

The reader writes:

We have two long-time friends, Paul and Mary, who recently split up. Paul has reconnected with Sally, a girlfriend from his youth. Sally’s 70 years old. Paul is 46. My husband and I recently hosted a dinner party and invited Paul. During dinner, Paul asked me why I didn’t invite Sally. I said, without thinking, “I'm uncomfortable seeing you with someone else so soon, and I have a problem with the age thing.” He let it go, but later told a mutual friend that he won't accept any invitations from any of us unless Sally is invited, too. Our circle of friends ranges in age from 41 to 51 – I just could not imagine subjecting them (or me) to dinner with a 70-year-old woman. I find it really creepy. Paul is handsome and successful and, if anything, we expected a rebound relationship with a twentysomething babe, which would honestly be a bit more comfortable. How should I handle this?

Eddie responds:

I’m quite shocked and surprised to hear these comments, especially coming from a woman.

Usually, the complaints go the other way. If I had a dollar for every woman who has complained to me that middle-aged men aren’t interested in women their own age, let alone older women – well, I’d have a nice, fat roll, which I’d wrap in a rubber band and flash around at every opportunity.

Just last week, on vacation in Mexico, I met a vibrant, smart, funny, attractive 45-year-old woman who was divorced and online dating. When I asked how she was enjoying the latter, she said it was okay, except for the fact that the men her age on the site, when asked to state age preferences, unanimously opt for much younger women.

“Maybe, maybe a 45-year-old guy will grudgingly agree to go out with someone who’s 35,” she said. “But they won’t go older than that. So what am I supposed to do?”

What, indeed? But now your friend Paul bucks the trend, dates an older woman, and what do you do? You pooh-pooh his relationship, snub his new woman friend, pronounce the entire arrangement “creepy,” complain about having to “subject” your other friends to a septuagenarian, and wonder how you should “handle” the situation.

I’ll tell you how you should “handle” it. Start by taking a long, hard look at the woman in the mirror. ...

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