Debunking the Myth of French Rudeness
France has been the pinnacle of civilization and decorum, both in Western Europe and abroad, for civilizations. Men and women continue to travel from all over the world to France in order to sample the finest foods, drink the finest wines, and buy the finest fabrics. To speak French is not only to be educated, it is to be refined.
Make no mistake about it, the Parisians are refined…
Men and women jog in polos. Everyone wears neutral colors – primarily black and gray – so as not to draw unwanted attention. The French do not wear revealing clothing nor do they wear shorts until it is impossibly hot to wear pants (mid-June, at the earliest). You say hello as soon as you walk into a store and you treat the salesman, waiter, what-have-you, with the utmost respect, because you are in their store, after all. If you are walking down the street eating a sandwich, every two people you pass will say “bon appetit.” This, to the French, is common courtesy. Extending common courtesy, however, does not mean smiling at everyone who looks your way, saying “thank you” repeatedly until you’re blue in the face, or pretending to be absolutely enamored with a new acquaintance… and that is what’s so difficult for us happy-go-lucky, friends-with-everyone Americans to accept.
For Americans, the French may be “civilized,” but that does not imply courteous. Most Americans believe the French to be a cold, pretentious, unappreciative people because they seldom seem overjoyed to meet strangers, are unwilling to help customers, and “we saved their butts TWICE but when do they ever say ‘thank you’!” Conversely, the French believe Americans to be an obnoxious, stubborn, ignorant people who do what they want when they want, without any regard for anyone else, both in politics and daily life. “It is always the Americans who are the loudest, most annoying people in the metro,” claims a friend. However, despite our opposing ideas of what constitutes “courtesy,” I find that the number-one thing that irritates the French most about Americans is English.
When talking to my friend Emilie (who works as a waitress) about Americans, she rolled her eyes and said, “Americans walk into the restaurant and start blabbering to me in English, they don’t even say Bonjour! And then they get mad when I respond in French… and once they find out we don’t provide a menu in English, they leave. We’re in France for god’s sake!”
Sure, we are the world’s number one superpower, and that definitely gives us a little leeway to “do as we please,” but what’s so hard about learning a few token French phrases before traveling to France? Most of the Europeans – let alone French people – I encounter speak at least three languages, one of which is almost certainly English. “I speak English. I am happy to speak English. If someone comes up to me on the street and asks me ‘parlez-vous anglais?’ I will respond in English. But if someone comes up to me and starts immediately speaking English, I will stare at them blankly and then respond in rapid French,” claims my friend, Cécile.
Most Americans who travel to Paris find a beautiful city inhabited by horrendously rude people, and they could not be more wrong. Granted, many Parisians do not like American tourists, but if you make an effort to at least try to speak French, 9 times out of 10, you will encounter a very helpful French person. Then again, American tourists should also be aware of the minute cultural differences that have an enormous impact…
For instance, just because a French person doesn’t beam at you when they’re talking to you does not mean they’re envisioning punching you in the face. French social interaction is very very very different from American social interaction. In America, at a party, everyone is obliged to make small talk with most of the guests. Not only are we obliged to make small talk, we have to seem genuinely interested in both the conversation and the person – that’s “polite.” But that’s surely not the case in France.
Back in February, when my one-and-only French friend, Erika, introduced me to her group of 8 friends, all of them politely did la bise (the French greeting: one kiss on each cheek) and then proceeded to pretend like I didn’t exist for the next three hours (because that’s how long it takes to drink a coffee in Paris). When we met the second time, they began to incorporate me in the conversation, and were pleasantly surprised to find out that I spoke French! By the third time we hung out, they were treating me as if we had been friends forever – I am not exaggerating. Friendship here is a process, it’s not touch-and-go like it is in the United States. “In America, you are friends with everyone, but no one really knows you. Here, your few friends are your family. We are friends for life,” said Erika.
Both in politics and daily life, the French are very private, and they are very proud. They are proud of their food (Warning: do not ask for salt from any French chef unless they offer), their home, their job, their language… I’ve found that to befriend a French person is to respect them, their boundaries, their culture, and – first and foremost – their language.