Can I Tell My Sister to Get a Divorce?
Writing in the Globe and Mail, David Eddie hears from a reader who's worried about her sister's unhappy marriage and deciding whether she should do anything to break it up. The reader writes:
My sister got married three years ago after a 13-year engagement. She’s never been sure about things and has tried to leave twice. Her husband is not a bad person, nor is she, but they essentially lack any physical and emotional connection and they’re both unhappy. He refuses counselling, and she is no longer interested in it either. She is worried about being alone, being alienated from all her married friends, being unhappier single.
She’s started going to the gym and talking about starting a master’s degree. She is also considering getting a breast enlargement procedure. Meanwhile, it is (and I know this is selfish) wearisome to hear her complain about how things are at home, but not do anything about it directly. I left a long-term relationship a few years ago. I've told her it's the hardest and best thing I've ever done in my life and I want to lend her the courage to start that journey herself. I’m worried she’ll just remain in this state of passive unhappiness. Should I keep pushing the envelope to try to stir her to action or return to the back-seat supportive role and hope she makes the big break up on her own?
Eddie responds:
Normally I feel people these days give up on relationships too easily: As soon as one relationship loses its entertainment value, they reach for an invisible, metaphorical Relationship Remote, hoping there’s something more entertaining on another channel.
But they just wind up repeating the same patterns over and over, because they don’t change themselves.
You may be a little biased, having done “the hardest and best thing” and embarked on the “journey” of being single yourself.
That “journey” isn’t always fun for everyone. You’re not just looking for a little sisterly company when you’re out there yourself, hmmm? Maybe, despite all her whining and kvetching, your sister knows, deep down, she’s happier than she would be if she were single.
Click here to read the rest of his advice.