Can I Ask My Boyfriend's Pals to Stop Smoking?

Eddie hears from a reader who's trying to get all of her boyfriend's friends to stop smoking. Is that too much?

Writing in the Globe and Mail, David Eddie hears from a reader who's trying not just to get her boyfriend to stop smoking, but all of his friends too.  The reader writes:

I have been dating someone for seven months, and I enjoy spending time with his friends and family.

But the whole group smokes, including my boyfriend when he's with them, and I don't. It's gotten to a point where I'm left alone inside while they go outside to smoke in a little group, or if I go outside, I have to stand off to the side.

They also smoke in the car, albeit with the windows open, but we usually take road trips together. I don't have an allergy or asthma, and I grew up with a family that smoked, so I don't feel like saying anything that could prompt a “smug non-smoker” reaction. But if I don't, I fear it's going to have a serious effect on my relationship with my boyfriend because I'm going to want to go out with them less. He has agreed to not smoke when we are all together, but I don't know if I have the right to ask them to change their habits. What should I do?

Eddie responds:

I think your way is clear with your boyfriend’s smoking fiends – oops, I mean, friends. First of all, you're well within your rights to ask them to refrain from filling the vehicle with their fumes on road trips. Res ipsa loquitur: the thing speaks for itself. Or, to use more contemporary terminology: Duh! Even with the windows open, it's a pretty closed environment, and their right to smoke ends where the tips of your pristine pink lungs begin.

I don't know how they'll wind up servicing their habit on the road – pull over, go down in the ditch, smoke and jump back in, maybe – but that’s their problem. ...

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